Fever grins, hurrying over to where she had found some good pieces last time. Maybe there'll be more this go-around.
"You could do it, but you don't want to. You want to not do that. That's not the Angel talking, or the Hound. That's all you." Bending down, she finds a fragment of green, holding it up to the sun to look at the color. "If you don't know what you want, you can think about what you don't want. And in that respect, you get closer to what you actually desire, reading the statement backwards."
Does she know what kind of woman she truly wants to be? No. But Fever can say that she doesn't want to be a woman so isolated, so angry, that she gives up on experiencing life again. It's a starting place.
Valdis follows as Fever takes off to another part of the beach, keeping up easily on the wet sand. No, she doesn't want to be controlled by her power, she doesn't want to harm the others, she doesn't want to feel that way again.
"It feels so sad to go about it like that, but I suppose it makes sense. Or at least it's a start."
To fill her mind with what she doesn't want, but if she's so confused about what she does want, perhaps that's the only way. There's another flash beneath the waves, another piece of glass, this one also green. She holds it out to Fever after bushing the sand off.
"Because when I get enough of it, I'm going to put it in a pile and hit it with lightning and see how it fused itself together. I think a few more ought to do it...they always come out interesting."
Taking the other piece, she puts them both in her pocket. Creation for its own sake, art for art's sake. Because she wants to, because something about it brings her joy.
"It'll get less sad once you start thinking about things in the inverse. I don't want to hurt my friends, and I want to see them happy and well. I don't want to destroy this world, and I want to experience what I can from it and find what's enjoyable. I don't want to give into my thoughts, and I want to know myself. Try it. Might be easier than you think."
"You can arrange them a certain way before hitting it with lightning."
Like a mosaic of sorts. She's not sure Fever has ever expressed so much interest in art, but she'd like to see what her partner creates. But she's half trying to avoid the topic at hand and Fever keeps pulling her back.
"True, but what about when what you want points you in a direction you know you can't go?"
In truth, the power Aster could offer would only be temporary and taking a deal with him was in stark opposition to what her loved ones want for her. In fact, it could pit her against them in a way none of them could ever take back.
"And what about when what you want and what you need are in opposition?"
"Tell me how they conflict. Tell me where it has you tied in knots."
While they keep going, while she keeps working on this. It's not so much about the art as it is the idea to simply try. If she doesn't like it, she'll toss it back to the sea. If she likes it, she'll find somewhere it can go, somewhere she can leave it for another soul's eyes.
"It's complicated. I told Erik I was tired of being yanked around by people more powerful than I am, but I don't know how to stop that."
It seems silly to say that, when she knows she has the ability to destroy everything, but that doesn't seem like real power. Real power could protect her, but the power she has keeps trying to take over instead of working with her.
"I mean, you were there, reliving those moments with me. You know I broke free and sealed him and the others within purgatory, but even then...all my power couldn't protect me from the rules of the world I found myself in."
She realizes she hasn't exactly answered Fever's question outright.
"I need power to protect myself, but I want peace."
Something creatures designed for war may never be able to find.
Valdis drops her gaze again. Fever isn't wrong, but it's hard to find the words to describe how the conflict exists within her.
"In my experience, peace only co-exists with power because one side fears the other."
It was that truth that had protected her for so long, but now...Aster doesn't fear her in the slightest and she's certain Nyarlathotep doesn't either. Unless she can access and control all her power, she's going to continue to be yanked around.
"My enemies don't fear me enough to give me peace."
Bending her head, she tries to catch Valdis's eye.
"You don't have to clear them away singlehandedly anymore. Your enemies might think they don't have to fear you, but you know I'm hardly the only one who'd stand behind you if they tried to strike."
But those aren't the only enemies. The ones within arguably are stronger than external ones ever could be.
"And those we can't destroy, we start thinking about....let's call it negotiations? Maybe?"
Reaching some kind of terms with herself, at least enough to bear.
"I'm not asking you to simply abandon your fears and believe me blindly, just...those who would strike you strike me as well, and I won't let the insult go unpunished."
Her eyes lift to meet Fever's. She knows Fever is formidable, so much so that Aster tried to recruit her too. Neil is another ally. Daisy. Shen. There are many who would stand with her against the demons and Nyarly, maybe even more. These aren't the fragile mortals of her own world going up against fairytale monsters, these are warriors in their own right.
"Not behind me, but not in front of me either. By my side is all I need."
"Exactly. You're not alone in this. We cover each other's weak spots."
That's part of trusting another to fight with them, back to back, dividing focus and tactics to accomplish far more than a single soul can. Ranged and melee, up and down, left and right. In a group, all angles can be accounted for. And even someone like Valdis will have blind spots - but she isn't being left to fend for herself, manage against odds she knows nothing about.
"I could have never started to look for myself without others. We will look for you, all of us at your side."
Valdis wouldn't disagree with Fever if those unspoken words were said out loud. She's more aware than ever about how she is not the most powerful creature on this island. Her power is devastating if in the wrong hands, and she will do everything she can to ensure that the wrong hands are not hers. There will be no deal with Aster, she knows that even if she's uncertain over how easy it will be to deal with multiple enemies at once.
Luckily her enemies will have to deal with the likes of Fever and her other allies like Neil. Not to mention the fact that she's now in charge of what might as well be the military of the island. Funny how this seems to keep happening. She catches sight of another piece of glass in the waves and takes a step to snatch it out of the sand. It was clearly once part of something interesting as it contains multiple colors and has a metallic sheen to it. She holds it out to Fever.
"Hopefully finding me will be easier when I have all of you helping."
She can't do it alone anymore, even if she wanted to.
And Fever laughs, and takes the glass, and knows she'll show Valdis what all this collecting is for. Knows she'll kiss her brow and give her reassurance, that though the path will be difficult, though Valdis will always be dangerous, still she can change. Everything changes - had Valdis not already started to do so? As the caterpillar fuels itself to rewrite its being, so she has been gathering support, care, love. They'll figure this out.
---
It's not long before she has a new reason to call her, anyway. The talk in the break room is enough to clue her in, and a quick question confirms it. So, she decides she'll call - she hasn't once voluntarily set foot over in the Enforcer offices, and she intends to keep that up as long as she can. The sending stone works just fine regardless.
"When was I going to be told you got a promotion?"
Granted, Valdis probably only got it yesterday at most. She's joking, only mock offended that she wasn't told instantly.
Valdis has just signed the last report for the DSA and dropped CT's own promotion paperwork into a file in her new office when Fever's call comes through. With a small smile she picks up the obsidian stone that rests on her desk.
"When we met later today, but I see the cat is already out of the bag."
As always, news travels fast in a small town, though it probably helps that Fever works at City Hall.
"I wanted to be sure CT and the others at the DSA knew before anyone else."
"If I hear a familiar name being murmured around me, of course I'm going to pay attention."
There's the soft shuffling of papers - she's at her own desk, at the moment.
"This changes nothing about our meeting, but as soon as I knew, I wanted to say congratulations. I'm happy for you, Valdis - though where does that leave the DSA?"
Valdis shakes her head despite knowing Fever can't see it, or the smile that lights up her eyes.
"Thank you for the congratulations, it feels...weird to be handed this kind of power. Been awhile since I've been in charge like this."
This is different though. Even if the fate of Pumpkin Hollow still hangs in the balance, this isn't a war, and she isn't the bad guy...for once. It's a nice feeling.
"I handed the DSA over to CT, I know she'll take care of it."
"Yes, well, hopefully it won't be forever. I dislike having to follow the rules as much as I'm going to have to."
She can protect her people from their own shenanigans, but she has no one to protect her from hers now. Half of her wishes she had offered CT the position of Chief, but alas, too late now, and the woman would never have felt comfortable with it.
"White flowers would be lovely."
Normally she would prefer red, but after the opera, well, she's expanding her horizons.
They'll be there tomorrow morning - someone else will drop them off, but Fever will tuck a note in there.
"You'll find no sympathy from me regarding the rules, though - you chose this path, when you could have been anything else. Could have joined Max in his baking, could have joined with me and found every way to avert the rules, could have...well, no, I can't see you working in the mines. But you chose to go and be a cop and never play around with employment. Look where it's landed you."
Gentle, gentle. Teasing, not abrasive. She will never ever like the police, but she's accepted that a number of her friends made that choice in the absence of others. Now, if when the barrier goes down, they all quit? Fantastic.
"Well, I've never been one to shirk responsibility when offered it, and there are perks to being in charge."
She's not certain what she will do when the barrier comes down, but she expects there will be a discussion with Max and Fever. She knows Fever accepts that Max is her priority, and they are both satisfied in their love for each other, special and unique as it is.
"Besides, I can still set my own hours and patrol and everything, there's just a lot more paperwork involved."
"Yes. It's the one that works best for you and Max and I want to preserve my time with you."
Being able to see her loved ones is essential to her sanity, the thing that keeps her from despair and anger. She needs them, and she hopes they need her too.
"Besides, you still wanted to do some sparring, right?"
"Of course. Actually, I was going to make this request later today, but since you mentioned it...I wonder if we couldn't change some of our program. I want to learn how to properly handle a rapier. It'd be nice to add to my repertoire."
It's better, she thinks, that this conversation is only verbal. Means that Valdis won't have any inkling of the full reason why she has this request - she trusts the woman thoroughly, but when the truth has to be concealed from so many eyes, she wants one ace in her sleeve.
Valdis pauses, confusion clouding her features. Even if Fever can't see her face, at the very least her partner will hear it in her voice.
"Rapier? I mean, I know how to use them and I'm sure I could borrow a pair from River, but they are more limited in scope than what we have been using."
Fever was making good progress with her current blade, so the switch feels strange and strange puts her a little on guard. Thoughts flit through her head, but none of them make sense and she knows Fever must have a good reason, even if that reason isn't clear to her. Perhaps it's best not to ask, and maybe better to simply play along.
"Now that I think on it, a rapier might suit your style better as a mage. I'll borrow a set and meet you at our normal place."
The warmth in her tone is evident, and she'll give a little more to hopefully smooth the confusion.
"A friend used them every now and then, and I was remembering him, and how it always looked like fun. I'm not suggesting in place of what we've already been doing, but more as an addition - with everything going on lately, I want to feel more versatile. Been working on my hand-to-hand for the same reason."
She'll always be a sorceress first and foremost, though - she's got no intentions of committing to the spellsword life. Once the barrier's gone, the only time she wants to be holding a sword is in practice, and her life can be as it was before.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Fever grins, hurrying over to where she had found some good pieces last time. Maybe there'll be more this go-around.
"You could do it, but you don't want to. You want to not do that. That's not the Angel talking, or the Hound. That's all you." Bending down, she finds a fragment of green, holding it up to the sun to look at the color. "If you don't know what you want, you can think about what you don't want. And in that respect, you get closer to what you actually desire, reading the statement backwards."
Does she know what kind of woman she truly wants to be? No. But Fever can say that she doesn't want to be a woman so isolated, so angry, that she gives up on experiencing life again. It's a starting place.
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"It feels so sad to go about it like that, but I suppose it makes sense. Or at least it's a start."
To fill her mind with what she doesn't want, but if she's so confused about what she does want, perhaps that's the only way. There's another flash beneath the waves, another piece of glass, this one also green. She holds it out to Fever after bushing the sand off.
"Why are you looking for sea glass?"
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Taking the other piece, she puts them both in her pocket. Creation for its own sake, art for art's sake. Because she wants to, because something about it brings her joy.
"It'll get less sad once you start thinking about things in the inverse. I don't want to hurt my friends, and I want to see them happy and well. I don't want to destroy this world, and I want to experience what I can from it and find what's enjoyable. I don't want to give into my thoughts, and I want to know myself. Try it. Might be easier than you think."
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Like a mosaic of sorts. She's not sure Fever has ever expressed so much interest in art, but she'd like to see what her partner creates. But she's half trying to avoid the topic at hand and Fever keeps pulling her back.
"True, but what about when what you want points you in a direction you know you can't go?"
In truth, the power Aster could offer would only be temporary and taking a deal with him was in stark opposition to what her loved ones want for her. In fact, it could pit her against them in a way none of them could ever take back.
"And what about when what you want and what you need are in opposition?"
no subject
While they keep going, while she keeps working on this. It's not so much about the art as it is the idea to simply try. If she doesn't like it, she'll toss it back to the sea. If she likes it, she'll find somewhere it can go, somewhere she can leave it for another soul's eyes.
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It seems silly to say that, when she knows she has the ability to destroy everything, but that doesn't seem like real power. Real power could protect her, but the power she has keeps trying to take over instead of working with her.
"I mean, you were there, reliving those moments with me. You know I broke free and sealed him and the others within purgatory, but even then...all my power couldn't protect me from the rules of the world I found myself in."
She realizes she hasn't exactly answered Fever's question outright.
"I need power to protect myself, but I want peace."
Something creatures designed for war may never be able to find.
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Almost ruthless in its simplicity, but something Valdis needs to hear.
"You want power enough to be able to be at peace, and you cannot be at peace until you know you can protect yourself."
Holding her hands up in front of her, she brings them together, clasping each other.
"They only conflict if you think that power and peace cannot co-exist."
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"In my experience, peace only co-exists with power because one side fears the other."
It was that truth that had protected her for so long, but now...Aster doesn't fear her in the slightest and she's certain Nyarlathotep doesn't either. Unless she can access and control all her power, she's going to continue to be yanked around.
"My enemies don't fear me enough to give me peace."
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Bending her head, she tries to catch Valdis's eye.
"You don't have to clear them away singlehandedly anymore. Your enemies might think they don't have to fear you, but you know I'm hardly the only one who'd stand behind you if they tried to strike."
But those aren't the only enemies. The ones within arguably are stronger than external ones ever could be.
"And those we can't destroy, we start thinking about....let's call it negotiations? Maybe?"
Reaching some kind of terms with herself, at least enough to bear.
"I'm not asking you to simply abandon your fears and believe me blindly, just...those who would strike you strike me as well, and I won't let the insult go unpunished."
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"Not behind me, but not in front of me either. By my side is all I need."
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That's part of trusting another to fight with them, back to back, dividing focus and tactics to accomplish far more than a single soul can. Ranged and melee, up and down, left and right. In a group, all angles can be accounted for. And even someone like Valdis will have blind spots - but she isn't being left to fend for herself, manage against odds she knows nothing about.
"I could have never started to look for myself without others. We will look for you, all of us at your side."
no subject
Luckily her enemies will have to deal with the likes of Fever and her other allies like Neil. Not to mention the fact that she's now in charge of what might as well be the military of the island. Funny how this seems to keep happening. She catches sight of another piece of glass in the waves and takes a step to snatch it out of the sand. It was clearly once part of something interesting as it contains multiple colors and has a metallic sheen to it. She holds it out to Fever.
"Hopefully finding me will be easier when I have all of you helping."
She can't do it alone anymore, even if she wanted to.
no subject
---
It's not long before she has a new reason to call her, anyway. The talk in the break room is enough to clue her in, and a quick question confirms it. So, she decides she'll call - she hasn't once voluntarily set foot over in the Enforcer offices, and she intends to keep that up as long as she can. The sending stone works just fine regardless.
"When was I going to be told you got a promotion?"
Granted, Valdis probably only got it yesterday at most. She's joking, only mock offended that she wasn't told instantly.
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"When we met later today, but I see the cat is already out of the bag."
As always, news travels fast in a small town, though it probably helps that Fever works at City Hall.
"I wanted to be sure CT and the others at the DSA knew before anyone else."
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There's the soft shuffling of papers - she's at her own desk, at the moment.
"This changes nothing about our meeting, but as soon as I knew, I wanted to say congratulations. I'm happy for you, Valdis - though where does that leave the DSA?"
no subject
"Thank you for the congratulations, it feels...weird to be handed this kind of power. Been awhile since I've been in charge like this."
This is different though. Even if the fate of Pumpkin Hollow still hangs in the balance, this isn't a war, and she isn't the bad guy...for once. It's a nice feeling.
"I handed the DSA over to CT, I know she'll take care of it."
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The tiniest moment of hesitation, and then:
"Pick what color flowers you want, and they'll be sent. You probably need something pretty in whatever office they have you in."
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She can protect her people from their own shenanigans, but she has no one to protect her from hers now. Half of her wishes she had offered CT the position of Chief, but alas, too late now, and the woman would never have felt comfortable with it.
"White flowers would be lovely."
Normally she would prefer red, but after the opera, well, she's expanding her horizons.
no subject
They'll be there tomorrow morning - someone else will drop them off, but Fever will tuck a note in there.
"You'll find no sympathy from me regarding the rules, though - you chose this path, when you could have been anything else. Could have joined Max in his baking, could have joined with me and found every way to avert the rules, could have...well, no, I can't see you working in the mines. But you chose to go and be a cop and never play around with employment. Look where it's landed you."
Gentle, gentle. Teasing, not abrasive. She will never ever like the police, but she's accepted that a number of her friends made that choice in the absence of others. Now, if when the barrier goes down, they all quit? Fantastic.
no subject
She's not certain what she will do when the barrier comes down, but she expects there will be a discussion with Max and Fever. She knows Fever accepts that Max is her priority, and they are both satisfied in their love for each other, special and unique as it is.
"Besides, I can still set my own hours and patrol and everything, there's just a lot more paperwork involved."
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As she's speaking, she's making notes - she doesn't want to forget the flowers.
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Being able to see her loved ones is essential to her sanity, the thing that keeps her from despair and anger. She needs them, and she hopes they need her too.
"Besides, you still wanted to do some sparring, right?"
no subject
It's better, she thinks, that this conversation is only verbal. Means that Valdis won't have any inkling of the full reason why she has this request - she trusts the woman thoroughly, but when the truth has to be concealed from so many eyes, she wants one ace in her sleeve.
no subject
"Rapier? I mean, I know how to use them and I'm sure I could borrow a pair from River, but they are more limited in scope than what we have been using."
Fever was making good progress with her current blade, so the switch feels strange and strange puts her a little on guard. Thoughts flit through her head, but none of them make sense and she knows Fever must have a good reason, even if that reason isn't clear to her. Perhaps it's best not to ask, and maybe better to simply play along.
"Now that I think on it, a rapier might suit your style better as a mage. I'll borrow a set and meet you at our normal place."
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The warmth in her tone is evident, and she'll give a little more to hopefully smooth the confusion.
"A friend used them every now and then, and I was remembering him, and how it always looked like fun. I'm not suggesting in place of what we've already been doing, but more as an addition - with everything going on lately, I want to feel more versatile. Been working on my hand-to-hand for the same reason."
She'll always be a sorceress first and foremost, though - she's got no intentions of committing to the spellsword life. Once the barrier's gone, the only time she wants to be holding a sword is in practice, and her life can be as it was before.
(no subject)
wrap?
wrap!